I don’t expect anyone to read all of this.

Coming up to 2 years since I lost my dad, May the 8th 2016 my world was turned upside down. Things went from the normal to me crying over him within less than 3 days. I was with my Fathers sister or Aunt. I had been awake for days couldn’t sleep while sitting next to him. His breathing, oh his breathing it was rough. I could he the rumble from the liquid build up in his lungs he couldn’t speak. I tried to talk to him and he tried but couldn’t, so we just sat for days. It was quiet, apart from the monitors and his breathing. His sister was only there on the night before but she was staying at a hotel so I was alone with him for the night. On the last day I couldn’t stay awake any longer so the hospital gave us a family room for me to sleep in, and for the short 2 hours of sleep my aunt came and woke me up in a hurry, she simply said “I think its time” there was about 100 meters or 300ft to his room. The blur of running was so quick I can barely remember it must have been a few seconds at most. I basically broke the door down though not locked I didn’t care there was no time for opening it. And there he was lying unmoving. After a few seconds my aunt arrived where she simply said “Oh Caleb” where we then held each other crying. At this moment I was looking at my Father. He took a gasping deep breath. He was still with us, I exclaimed “Oh my God” and moved to him by his side I took his hand and told him its ok all his children where coming. Being my 2 brothers and 2 sisters. And with the last of his strength, he simply said “Ok” he was still there still with us he knew what we said he understood even in his weakened state his mind remained strong. And so with the final recognition he was gone. I just broke down didn’t know what to think. What to do. Time just stopped, and 20 minuets just passed in a blink of a eye. I had brought his wheelchair to the hospital that morning from his home, my home. I did this because he had taken such a strong turn that morning, I was so sure he would only get better and things would go back to normal. But little did I know he would only have 7-8 hours left. And so after sitting with him for those 20 minuets I stood up, said my final goodbye’s and slipped off my paracord bracelet this one was special because it was the first one I had ever made and then placed it on his wrist. I left the room to go and collect his wheelchair. I called a Cab to take me home with the chair and just cried the whole way there. The driver was a kind man very understanding and very helpful even told me not to worry about the fare. I got into the house where i placed the wheelchair in its right place and sat down and just cried. Soon after I saw someone walking upto the house door, it was one of his carers, the people that took care of him. They where not aware he has passed but she had been caring for him for years and known me since i was a boy. Theres nothing like telling someone face to face someone they had known and cared for, for years the person had died an hour earlier. To watch the colour flood out there body. And to do it for all you siblings to tell each one. One after another there dad was gone. I was the youngest. To hear them cry, to watch them cry. Its the hardest thing I have ever had to do. I spent the next 2 weeks barely sober I knew it wasn’t the right way to deal with the pain but it helped. His funeral was so difficult to sit in, I was the only one not to cry. I had run out of tears there was noting but a hollow pain left, I just sat there listening. Then it was over I stood as all his friends that was no small number, maybe 200 people from all over the nation he had made many friends over his life and they where all here most of them I never knew.

Thats my story of losing my father.

Prologue: I never got to the age of 18 with my father around. We never got to have that first drink together. He never got to see me drive a car. I wasn’t even a man when he died. I miss him.

-ShirtLessScottishGuy, BearGrzzz, CRU.