>"We are not so different, you and I"
>The puddled ketchup pony said to the awesome alicorn
>Snorting, EDGEBLADE used his powerful magic to clean off the sticky tomato paste that defiled his hoof.
"You are ketchup. There is nothing more abhorrent or detestable than you."
>He shot a glare at the ketchup pony that could destroy entire worlds.
"I am the apex. The pinnacle. The very template of perfection. Everypony dreams of being me."
>He pointed his now cleaned hoof at the ketchup pony.
"And I know that nopony would ever dare dream of being you".
>A choking silence fell upon the two enigmatic ponies.
>While EDGEBLADE glowered, the ketchup pony merely closed its eyes.
>Her frown turned to a sly grin that produced a chuckle, breaking the quiet.
>"This much is true of course. What kind of pony would want to be me when there are so many other things they could aspire to become?"
>Her eyes shot open and her grin widened.
>"But this is where we are alike, EDGEBLADE. Nopony would want to be you either."
>EDGEBLADE's mouth fell agape, but before he could respond with an awesome rebuttal, the ketchup pony continued her musings.
>"You are the pinnacle, yes. You are perfect in every way possible. All that you desire is yours, and all you strive for succeeds spectacularly.
>"And despite that, all of that, nopony would want to bear the cost of being you."
>EDGEBLADE's horn flared with magical energy and he stomped the ground at his hooves hard enough to create small craters.
"There is nothing wrong with me! I am paying no cost, nor am I sacrificing anything for what I am for that is how perfect I am! You cannot begin to understand the perfection that I embody!"
>His horn fired a bolt of light that pierced the air and struck the ketchup pony.

>Though the bolt would have felled a dragon, the ketchup pony showed no signs of damage or pain.
>She chuckled again
>"Of course, you haven't paid that cost yet. But today, I'll make sure you do."
>EDGEBLADE let volleys of magic screech and burn through the air, with each barrage becoming more awesome and powerful than the last.
>While he continued his relentless assault, the ketchup pony slowly and patiently gathered her viscous form together and transformed from puddle to an equine figure.
>Huffing, EDGEBLADE ceased his attacks.
>The area around the ketchup pony had been vaporized and destroyed several times over, yet the ketchup pony looked no worse than when she was first spilled out of her bottle.
>Her ears perked up at the deep breaths that the awesome alicorn was taking.
>"Oh? Have you never exerted yourself? Have you never had to work for something? Struggled for it?"
>She trotted closer to EDGEBLADE.
>"You are a wonderful idea to dream of, EDGEBLADE, but nopony would reasonably want to be you.
>"Everypony loves ketchup with their hayfries, but, when they see the inordinate amount of ketchup that I consist of, they vomit and puke that the sight of me.
>"Even the most ketchup-crazy ponies can barely look at me lest I ruin their appetite."
>She sat nonchalantly in front his his hooves, and the potent but exhausted EDGEBLADE reciprocated the action.
>"You say you are perfect, but how do you know that? Time will always be the one to decide such things.
>"But until then, you are without purpose, without reason, without any necessity to live.
>"You know that anything that you do will be done perfectly, no matter what.
>"You will never know the bond created by struggling with somepony else.
>"You will never know the satisfaction of overcoming an obstacle.
>"You will never know the wonder of what you could become.
>"You will never know the wisdom of your past mistakes."
>She placed a slimy hoof onto EDGEBLADE's
>"You will never know to be."
>He pulled his hoof back, again cleaning it with his magic, and scoffed.
"Perhaps I am not as perfect as I thought. But that does not change the simple fact that we are nothing alike.
"I guarantee that anypony would rather choose to be me rather than you. Anypony can plainly see just how many leagues apart we are when it comes to 'similarities'."

>The ketchup pony shook her head.
>"Again, you are incorrect. Though we share little in physical traits, our purpose is the same.
>"My expiration date is not known to me, and though I have seen many centuries of Equestria come and go, I know that, one day, that date will arrive.
>"I have so many magical preservatives embedded into my tomato concoction that I could consider myself immortal. And with so much time on my hooves, I could become as perfect as you, EDGEBLADE."
>EDGEBLADE rolled his eyes.
>"I doubt it. Even with all the time in the world, you could never even fathom an inkling of my greatness."
>"I, on the other hoof, have all the time in the world to do as I please, whenever and however I see fit."
>The ketchup pony tapped a hoof on her chin.
>"But how much time is that?"
>"Does it matter?"
>"Why, of course! The sands of time sift and fall through from an unknowable reservoir of seconds, never ceasing nor slowing.
>"There was a time when I did know my expiration date, a time when I had knowledge of when I would die, a time when the only thing that mattered was delaying this date
>Her head drooped down a little.
>"I made every effort to learn alchemy and magic that would preserve my body, and I succeeded. I have outlived my creators many lifetimes over, and I have many more to go.
>"But I have no idea when the preservatives will halt, when my world and everything I had ever achieved will fall away to darkness, when my life will finally end."
>The ketchup pony's eyes affixed their gaze upon the eyes of EDGEBLADE. Each pair reflected the same vibrant hue of red.
>"You share that same curse, EDGEBLADE. A day will come when you are not perfect, and in that misstep will begin your downfall. A cataclysmic downfall that you will endure for years, millennia, and eons before time finally claims you."
>She stood up, her body convulsed and unraveled. Tendrils of ketchup intertwined and grew tall enough to reach the height of EDGEBLADE.
>Within the squirming mass of red, the ketchup pony's eyes still bore themselves into the stoic and lost EDGEBLADE.
>"Know that no matter what you do, how far you run, how much you delay it, time will always ketchup."

>A flash of light burst through her eyes and spread through out the rest of her writhing body.
>The light consumed her like a flame burning up a piece of paper.
>Twilight and the rest of EDGEBLADE's harem had arrived.
>"EDGEBLADE! Are you okay?"
>His wife, Twilight ran up to him, probing his body with magic for any signs of damage.
>His other wives did much the same.
>"How did you defeat this ketchup menace?"
>Twilight furrowed her brow.
>"Well, I used an anti-ketchup spell. Didn't you teach me how to cast it?"
>EDGEBLADE cleared his throat.
"Of course I did! This was just a test Twilight, and you passed! All of you did!"
>His wives all cheered.
>"OOOOOH! I have an I idea! Why don't we have a celebratory orgy party as Sugarcube Corner to celebrate!"
>"That sounds awesome Pinkie! First one there gets to suck EDGEBLADE's dick!"
>"Now that's no fair, pardner. Not all of us have wings, you know."
>"Well, I do, but I can't fly as fast as Rainbow Dash."
>"Don't worry about that, darling. I'm sure EDGEBLADE can teach you how to fly as fast as Rainbow Dash one day."
>EDGEBLADE's harem made their way to Sugarcube Corner, chatting away of his awesomeness, leaving him alone with an empty ketchup bottle.
"Since when was there an anti-ketchup spell?"
>He levitated the ketchup bottle up and peered inside.
"Maybe there's some ketchup in here I can test my magic on."
>As he looked closer, he saw but a few globs of ketchup that yet remained.
>In those stains he saw the image of a pony.
>Its eyes reflected back at him, surrounded in a myriad of sweet, red stains.
>From an unmoving mouth, it spoke to him
>"I am Ketchup, the condiment of condiments
>"The savior of savor, the totality of tomatoes
>"Heed my best by date, or expire!"