Aneurysm

by TheRebelPhoenix

First and foremost this has nothing to do with Softfang ‘s Cruor Ponies.

I simply illustrated what an Aneurysm pony would look like, so though it’s blood, this is basically a ponified cerebral Aneurysm.

If anyone has read this: therebelphoenix.deviantart.com…

Then you know I’m a mess right now. Since writing that I’ve had 3 more hospital visits and 4 more 911 visits, two 911 calls in one night. I’ve been escorted out of the hospital by security when they told me I’m fine, etc. I’m sitting here right now thinking any second I could have the worst headache of my life or fall unconscious. That it will be the type to bleed out very fast and I’ll die before 911 is called or before I can even tell. It’s on my mind all the time, one fleeting thought and I’m already worked up, heart racing, in panic.

Why is my Sicksona Queen holding her mane? I do. When I get like this, since I can’t hold the inside of the head, I hold my hair instead. I bunch it up, tangle it, and pull it. I’m losing hair and gaining bald patches because of it. I basically get into fetal position hunched over (really bad for my neck) with my hair in my hands, holding it tight, shaking, crying, thinking I’m going to die any second. Every head pain, dizziness, hell, even something completely normal that I perceive as different, is an aneurysm.

Health Anxiety aka Hypochondriasis aka Hyopchondria has GOT to be the worst anxiety disorder of them all. To sit here thinking I’m going to die any second, is NOT living.

Neurology appointment isn’t till Tuesday, I don’t think I can live. I got a closer one than may 5th, but I still don’t think I can last that long. I’m going insane.

I’ve had way too many CT scans to count, I had one the other night, probably in for brain cancer due to that.

The thing is, CT scans without contrast can’t see unruptured aneurysms, so it’s no longer reassurance for me.

…Life of a Hypochondriac?

My Sicksona Queen here is being bothered by the aneurysm fear who is looming over her as she huddles up in terror.

For those that don’t know what an Aneurysm is, it’s a weakening of an artery that then balloons outward and has a chance of then leaking (sentinal bleed) or rupturing, either one can give you a hemorrhage of the brain and either kill you immediately or give you the worst headache of your life and kill you, or if you’re lucky you’ll live for the hospital to clip or coil it. They can happen suddenly without warning, no cause…

The ‘droplets’ around the pony are all aneurysms ballooning out.

Sorry commissioners, I’m going crazy, I hoped this would help me, it didn’t. I held my head the entire time while drawing it.

I don’t know what to do anymore.